The person who I want to be isn’t the person I expected.
I want to be teetotal.
There’s no point in alcohol I all it does is take my money and make me feel like shit the next morning. Last night I had an amazing time and I wasn’t drunk. As a first year undergraduate there’s no way I’ll completely avoid alcohol but from now on it’ll never be a compulsory element of my being. And this makes me look forward to the nights out even more. I want to remember everything I do.
I want to turn vegan.
Since entering uni I’ve already turned from pescetarian to vegetarian. I had fish in my first week and crayfish salad at my sisters birthday but that is all. And I long to cut out the cheese that must be equally harmfully made, and in today’s processed world isn’t all that healthy anyway, as well as the egss. And it doesn’t make me feel good anymore. Sure, they are comfort foods but the short-term gratification isn’t worth the long term woe of feeling ridiculously huge.
I want to be more in contact with God.
For the past two years my delusion with Catholicism has meant that I was agnostic, but I find my faith in God stronger than ever now I need him and am willing to accept him into my life with open arms. I’m not sure I am back fully into Christianity, their messages are far too strong for me at the moment but I am sure I will find a faith which suits me. If not I’ll simply to continue living my life with God by my side, regardless of how my views of him differ from everyone.
I want to be an academic high achiever.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to achieve the best, setting your goals, getting down to it and working. Western European culture seems to dictate that rebels are the coolest, especially among young people -the ones who sail through life with barely hard work, or challenge standards and succeed, but they are very few. And the ones that are successful may not be amazing at academia but excel in their field of work. Being a rebel and messing up your education isn’t worth it at all.
I want to enjoy life.
I’ve struggled with depression, self harm and bulimic tendencies for a large chunk of my teenage life and for so long I was worried I didn’t have time to catch up all that I missed out on, which would just send me down a depressive spiral into existentialist/nihilist outlooks on life. I don’t know where I’m headed, but I can take one day at a time, enjoy it and work towards a future I’m sure will be amazing.
I always thought I’d want to ‘die young, stay pretty’ but I want nothing more than to age gracefully. I guess I’m growing up.
